Simon Nock: Dame Dolly Durden

A heavenly seven Dames to treasure! Seven beauties who have graced The City Varieties stage by yours truly. Each one is more gorgeous than the one before, each one oozing with charisma and dripping with… sweat usually! This year’s dazzling Dame Dolly Durden is the gift that keeps on giving, the cherry on top of a voluptuous sweet treat.

This year’s performances are brought to us by the number seven, and we have our very own Big Bird! Still recovering from the seven-year itch, always on fire seven days a week… again with the itching!

So, here’s an opportunity to tell some very spurious ‘seven’ jokes!

‘I just realised that the word ‘seven’ has ‘even in it… That’s odd!

‘I went to the shops yesterday to buy six cans of Sprite. I realised when I got home, I’d picked 7UP!’

‘Seven-year-old Johnny asks his teacher if she would punish him for something he didn’t do? Of course not! Says his teacher. Johnny says ‘That’s good, as I didn’t do my homework!’

‘Why is Yoda afraid of seven? Because six, seven, eight!’

Finally, and of course Christmassy… What do you get if you cross Santa with seven ducks? Christmas quackers!

I think you’re ready to have a blast! Have the best Christmas and an amazing new year!

Panto instruments: Tenor saxophone and percussion